My Mental Block

Most days I feel like I need an extra few hours to complete everything I want to accomplish in a day. 
Ok, who am I kidding?  I think I feel like that every day!  I’ve tried mental to-do lists – which usually get lost in my frazzled brain.  I’ve tried the good ol’ fashioned write-it-down method of tracking to-dos.  I’ve logged them in spreadsheets.  I even downloaded an app to my iPhone and tried to manage to-dos that way.  No matter how I try to track to-dos, I never have enough time in the day, week, or month to get them accomplished.  As a full-time working mom of two little ones, I know it’s not an uncommon feeling, either. 

And here’s where I’ve accessed my real problem with trying to accomplish to-dos - I have a mental block.  

Let me take a step back for a moment.  I have OCD tendencies.  I’m a Type A, no doubt.  To those who know me well, I can hear you sarcastically saying “Really?”  It’s amazing how much raising two kids has put these OCD tendencies in check.  Here’s a good example of what I mean:  Before kids, I used to clean my house from top to bottom, in a particular order, with a particular order for each room as well, every single Sunday, without fail. Now, I’m lucky to run the vacuum once a week (and I have a dog and a cat).  I tried to go the cleaning lady route, but was not happy with the quality of cleaning.  (I have contemplated getting another cleaning lady and trying again).  I’d rather spend time with the kids than mopping the kitchen floor (although sometimes scrubbing a toilet is a welcome break from the daily chaos).  I don’t have the time to clean the way I like to clean, and I’ve come to terms with that. Life will go on and I’m okay with it.  OCD in check.

So back to my mental block…….. The issue is now that my OCD-tendencies that have been forced to take a back seat (a good thing), an “all-or-nothing” phenomenon has taken over (a bad thing).  If I can’t do something 110%, I often choose to simply not do it.  This usually applies only to my personal “wants”.

If I can’t run on a regular basis or blog on a regular basis or edit photos every evening or start a good book or watch a favorite TV show or even manage to have houseplants and keep them alive (all my “wants”), I prefer to ignore them.  That leaves me feeling a little sad because it’s another reminder that I’m not Superwoman. Some people can do everything all of the time and make it look effortless while doing so.  I’m not that person, and it’s hard coming to terms with it.  I completely understand the need to meet my wants on a somewhat regular basis – a happy mom is key to a happy home. 

So why is it so hard for me to understand and accept that it’s okay if I can’t give 110%?  If I can only run once a week, at least I got in a run.  If I only get a chance to edit photos that I took several weeks prior, at least I’ve captured the memory.  TV and new shows will always be there.  Books will continue to pile up on my night stand and one day I will again be able to devour books like I used to do.  I need to learn to better balance and enjoy a little bit of everything even if I can’t do it the way my old OCD tendencies want me to do it.  I need to loose the “all-or-nothing” mentality and break free from the exhaustion (the “all) and the sludge of inactivity (the “nothing”). 

I can’t do everything all of the time.  I just wished I was okay with only "half-way" doing things.